Freddy Vs. Jason Vs. Ash story
Nov 5, 2005 18:20:30 GMT -8
Post by Rellik on Nov 5, 2005 18:20:30 GMT -8
Chapter 1
There I stood, boomstick clutched in my left hand, over the seemingly dead body of Jason Voorhees. Hi I’m Ash Williams, after kicking Deadite ass in King Arthur’s court, I was transported back and I retired. I thought I rid the world of demons, but through a mysterious phone call I learned that an ex-murderer turned “non-dying killing machine” named Jason was still out there. I vowed to kill him and, yet again, rid the world of demons.
Seeing as I got some time, I’ll get you up to speed. This is how it all began.
A normal day at S-Mart,
“Ash, you got a call on line one.”
“Who is it?”
“I don’t know, he says his name is Freddy or something.”
“Huh, I don’t know any Freddy.”
I grabbed the phone and said,
“Hello.”
“Is this Ash Williams, demon destroyer?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay, I know of your whole ordeal and would like to contract you to kill one last demon.”
“How much?”
“Does 75,000 sound good?”
“Groovy, where’s the gig?”
“Camp Crystal Lake, Massachusetts; bye.”
“Wait, how will I contact you when I’m done?”
“Don’t worry I’ll be watching.”
The phone clicked, he hung up. I guess I got one more mission. I thought. I walked out the door and hopped in my ’73 Delta Oldsmobile. I drove out to my shack. When I arrived, I walked in, went over to my closet, and pulled out a huge box marked battle gear. I was going hunting.
Chapter 2
I pulled the leather belts over my tattered blue shirt and fastened the chainsaw to my right hand. I put my new shotgun in my back holster. One night, while working in the stock room, I notice a 10-gauge double-barreled shotgun with a titanium grip, so I “borrowed” it. I got into the car and started the road trip.
3 Hours Later…
I pulled onto a dirt road and passed under a faded sign that said, Camp Crystal Lake. I stopped the car and got out. I walked toward a horseshoe of cabins to see a huge guy impaling a girl to a tree.
“Hey asshole,” I yelled.
He slowly turned around and I said,
“Don’t you know hockey season is over?”
He slowly started walking toward me, so I pulled out my shotgun and unloaded four shots into his midsection, and he dropped. He slowly rose up and I started up the chainsaw.
“Sing for the king,” I whispered.
I ran full speed and buried the chainsaw in his chest and shot him in the face. He punched me, sending me flying back and into a tree.
“Damn, that fucker hits hard,” I said.
I slowly stood up and detached my chainsaw and put my robotic hand on. I ran back to the horseshoe and he was gone.
“What, is this guy Houdini or something?”
Meanwhile, from hell, Freddy is watching the whole thing.
“Come on Ash, send Jason back to hell.” He said.
Someone bumps into Freddy and he yells,
“Michael, watch where the fuck you are going. You cursed bastard.”
Michael stabs him and walks away.
“Yeah, you better walk away, bitch,” Freddy says, “Don’t worry you’ll get yours in the sequel.”
Chapter 3
I walked carefully through the woods. I heard a noise and spun around. I walked backwards and bumped into a tree, but a machete sprang out and sliced my arm. I turned around and I was face to face with Jason. He raised his machete over his head and as he brought it down I caught it with my robotic hand and forced it back on him. I pushed it into his shoulder. Then I blasted him in the face. Jason flew back and his mask flew off.
“Damn, you’re ugly,” I said.
That’s what has happened so far, he hasn’t moved yet. I walk up to his body and pump six more shots into his face. Then I take out my chainsaw and cut off his right arm, then his left leg, and then I slowly cut of his head. As I pull off his head black blood oozes out of the wound. I put the parts in my duffel bag. As I turn around I see an old hag standing there.
“Hey, she-bitch, who are you?”
“I am Jason’s mother.”
She runs at me, knife clutched in hand and I lopped her head off. I bent down, picked up her head, held it to my ear and said,
“Huh, I owned your ass. What, I’m your daddy.”
I threw her head down and walked away.
Chapter 4
Freddy yelled in excitement as he saw Jason being flung into hell. Freddy ran over and started clawing him. Jason threw Freddy off of him and raised his machete, but as he did they both were suddenly wrapped in chains. Pinhead walked out of the shadows and said,
“Now gentlemen, what’s seems to be the matter.”
“God, I hate this guy,” Freddy said, Jason just nodded.
Jason ripped off his and Freddy’s chains and this deep, manly voice (work with me here) came out of Jason and said,
“Lets kick his ass.”
Everybody in hell was in complete awe over what they had just heard. Jason simply walked over and plunged his machete through Pinhead’s mouth and walked away. That should hold them for a while. Jason thought. Freddy was the first to snap out of it. He ran over and jumped on top of Pinhead and said,
“Hey man, you just got knocked the fuck out.”
He, then, ran away. Meanwhile, Michael Myers presented his “Get out of hell free” card to Satan.
“Okay,” Satan said, “This seems to be valid. Just fill out these forms and you’re free to go. Michael took the papers and sat down.
Okay, he thought, full name: Michael Danger Myers. Reason for departure: Revenge. Michael gave Satan the papers.
“Here are your possessions,” Satan said, “One emotionless mask, one bloody butcher knife, one Curse of Thorn rub-on tattoo, and one Swedish Penis Pump.”
Michael took his possessions and entered earth. He was going to get revenge on Ash Williams. (Dun, Dun, Dun)
A/N-hope you liked it
There I stood, boomstick clutched in my left hand, over the seemingly dead body of Jason Voorhees. Hi I’m Ash Williams, after kicking Deadite ass in King Arthur’s court, I was transported back and I retired. I thought I rid the world of demons, but through a mysterious phone call I learned that an ex-murderer turned “non-dying killing machine” named Jason was still out there. I vowed to kill him and, yet again, rid the world of demons.
Seeing as I got some time, I’ll get you up to speed. This is how it all began.
A normal day at S-Mart,
“Ash, you got a call on line one.”
“Who is it?”
“I don’t know, he says his name is Freddy or something.”
“Huh, I don’t know any Freddy.”
I grabbed the phone and said,
“Hello.”
“Is this Ash Williams, demon destroyer?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay, I know of your whole ordeal and would like to contract you to kill one last demon.”
“How much?”
“Does 75,000 sound good?”
“Groovy, where’s the gig?”
“Camp Crystal Lake, Massachusetts; bye.”
“Wait, how will I contact you when I’m done?”
“Don’t worry I’ll be watching.”
The phone clicked, he hung up. I guess I got one more mission. I thought. I walked out the door and hopped in my ’73 Delta Oldsmobile. I drove out to my shack. When I arrived, I walked in, went over to my closet, and pulled out a huge box marked battle gear. I was going hunting.
Chapter 2
I pulled the leather belts over my tattered blue shirt and fastened the chainsaw to my right hand. I put my new shotgun in my back holster. One night, while working in the stock room, I notice a 10-gauge double-barreled shotgun with a titanium grip, so I “borrowed” it. I got into the car and started the road trip.
3 Hours Later…
I pulled onto a dirt road and passed under a faded sign that said, Camp Crystal Lake. I stopped the car and got out. I walked toward a horseshoe of cabins to see a huge guy impaling a girl to a tree.
“Hey asshole,” I yelled.
He slowly turned around and I said,
“Don’t you know hockey season is over?”
He slowly started walking toward me, so I pulled out my shotgun and unloaded four shots into his midsection, and he dropped. He slowly rose up and I started up the chainsaw.
“Sing for the king,” I whispered.
I ran full speed and buried the chainsaw in his chest and shot him in the face. He punched me, sending me flying back and into a tree.
“Damn, that fucker hits hard,” I said.
I slowly stood up and detached my chainsaw and put my robotic hand on. I ran back to the horseshoe and he was gone.
“What, is this guy Houdini or something?”
Meanwhile, from hell, Freddy is watching the whole thing.
“Come on Ash, send Jason back to hell.” He said.
Someone bumps into Freddy and he yells,
“Michael, watch where the fuck you are going. You cursed bastard.”
Michael stabs him and walks away.
“Yeah, you better walk away, bitch,” Freddy says, “Don’t worry you’ll get yours in the sequel.”
Chapter 3
I walked carefully through the woods. I heard a noise and spun around. I walked backwards and bumped into a tree, but a machete sprang out and sliced my arm. I turned around and I was face to face with Jason. He raised his machete over his head and as he brought it down I caught it with my robotic hand and forced it back on him. I pushed it into his shoulder. Then I blasted him in the face. Jason flew back and his mask flew off.
“Damn, you’re ugly,” I said.
That’s what has happened so far, he hasn’t moved yet. I walk up to his body and pump six more shots into his face. Then I take out my chainsaw and cut off his right arm, then his left leg, and then I slowly cut of his head. As I pull off his head black blood oozes out of the wound. I put the parts in my duffel bag. As I turn around I see an old hag standing there.
“Hey, she-bitch, who are you?”
“I am Jason’s mother.”
She runs at me, knife clutched in hand and I lopped her head off. I bent down, picked up her head, held it to my ear and said,
“Huh, I owned your ass. What, I’m your daddy.”
I threw her head down and walked away.
Chapter 4
Freddy yelled in excitement as he saw Jason being flung into hell. Freddy ran over and started clawing him. Jason threw Freddy off of him and raised his machete, but as he did they both were suddenly wrapped in chains. Pinhead walked out of the shadows and said,
“Now gentlemen, what’s seems to be the matter.”
“God, I hate this guy,” Freddy said, Jason just nodded.
Jason ripped off his and Freddy’s chains and this deep, manly voice (work with me here) came out of Jason and said,
“Lets kick his ass.”
Everybody in hell was in complete awe over what they had just heard. Jason simply walked over and plunged his machete through Pinhead’s mouth and walked away. That should hold them for a while. Jason thought. Freddy was the first to snap out of it. He ran over and jumped on top of Pinhead and said,
“Hey man, you just got knocked the fuck out.”
He, then, ran away. Meanwhile, Michael Myers presented his “Get out of hell free” card to Satan.
“Okay,” Satan said, “This seems to be valid. Just fill out these forms and you’re free to go. Michael took the papers and sat down.
Okay, he thought, full name: Michael Danger Myers. Reason for departure: Revenge. Michael gave Satan the papers.
“Here are your possessions,” Satan said, “One emotionless mask, one bloody butcher knife, one Curse of Thorn rub-on tattoo, and one Swedish Penis Pump.”
Michael took his possessions and entered earth. He was going to get revenge on Ash Williams. (Dun, Dun, Dun)
A/N-hope you liked it
