Jokes

[Jason]

got any good jokes. I have lots. there are no rules, if you feel hurt or disturbed by these jokes, let me know.

[Jason]

A man walks into a bar and orders a triple scotch. As the bartender pours the drink, he remarks, "That's quite a heavy drink. What's the problem?"

After quickly downing his drink, the man replies, "I found my wife in bed with my best friend."

"Wow," says the barkeep. "What did you do about it?"

"I walked over to my wife, looked her in the eye, told her to pack her stuff, and get the hell out."

"That makes sense," remarks the barkeep. "And what about your best friend?"

"I looked him right in the eye and yelled, "Bad dog!"

[Jason]

A guy walks into a bar, why didnt he see it?
(think about this joke)  

[Jason]

A three year old little boy was examining his testicles
while taking a bath.

"Mama," he asked, "Are these my brains?"

Mama answered, "Not yet."

[Psycho Killer]

yo mama is so fat her   looks like two pigs fighting over a milk dud!

[MaDaM MoIw]

Redneck Wedding Night"
>
>This redneck couple gets married. They go back to the motel after the
>Ceremony, and she changes into a sexy nightgown, lies on the bed, and
>says, "Be gentle with me; I'm a virgin."
>
>At hearing this, her new husband bursts into tears, pulls on his clothes,
>jumps
>into his pickup truck and drives home.
>He tells his father what happened.
>
>"Son, you done right," says his pop. "If she weren't good enough for
>her own family, she ain't good enough for ours."

*********************************************************

Two women, meeting at the entrance to hell, start chatting:

1st woman: Hi! My name is Wanda.

2nd woman: Hi! I'm Joyce. How'd you die?

1st woman: I froze to death.

2nd woman: How horrible!

1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I
began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What
about you?

2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my
husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act.
But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.

1st woman: So, what happened?

2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere
that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the
attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through
every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I
had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just
keeled over with a heart attack and died.

1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer........ We'd both still
be alive.

*********************************************************

~TWENTY DOLLARS~

On their wedding night, the young bride turned to her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed.

This scenario was repeated each time they made love during the next 30 years… with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford extra clothes and other incidentals that she wanted.

Returning from a trip to the grocery around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband sitting at the kitchen table, weeping, and very drunk. During the next few minutes, he explained that his company was going through a process of corporate downsizing. He had been let go.

It was unlikely, he said, that at his age he'd be able to find another position that paid anywhere near what he'd earned.
He was afraid that they were facing financial ruin.

Staying calm, she explained that for the entire length of their marriage, she had invested the money that she had “charged”
him for sex.

With that, she handed him a bank book showing more than
thirty years of steady deposits and interest earned, totaling nearly $1 million. Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank worth over $2 million. She informed him
that they were one of the largest depositors in the bank.

Faced with the evidence of all this - cash and investments -
he husband was so astonished, he could barely speak, but finally he found his voice - only to blurt out,

"If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would have given you all my business!"

That's when she shot him.

You know, sometimes, folks just don't know when to keep their mouths shut!

[MaDaM MoIw]

Cat Story

One December day we found an old straggly cat at our door. She was a
sorry sight. Starving, dirty, smelled terrible, skinny and hair all
matted down. We felt sorry for her, put her in a carrier and took her to
the vet. We didn't know what to call her, so we named her "Pussycat."

The vet decided to keep her for a day or so. He said he would let us
know when we could come and get her. My husband (the complainer) said,
"OK, but don't forget to wash her, she stinks." He reminded the vet that
it was his WIFE (me) that wanted the dirty cat, not him.

My husband and my Vet don't see eye to eye. The vet calls my husband
'El-Cheap-O', and my husband calls the vet 'El-Charge-O'. They love to
hate each other and constantly 'snipe' at one another, with my husband
getting in the last word on this particular occasion.
The next day my husband had an appointment with his doctor, who is
located in the same building, next door to the vet. The MD's waiting
room and office was full of people waiting to see the doctor.

A side door opened and the vet leaned in - he had obviously seen my
husband arrive. He looked straight at my husband and in a loud voice
said, "Your wife's pussy doesn't stink any more and it's finally clean
and shaved, so she now smells like a rose. Oh, and, by the way, I think
she's pregnant. God only knows who the father is!" Then he closed the
door.

Now THAT, my friends, is getting even!

[MaDaM MoIw]

A Brunette, A Redhead and a Dumb Blonde
**********************************************

An evil genie captured a brunette, a redhead, and a dumb blonde and banished them all to the desert for a week. The genie allowed them each to bring one thing.

The brunette brought a canteen so she wouldn't die of thirst.
The redhead brought an umbrella so she could keep the sun off.
The dumb blonde brought a car door, so if it got too hot out, she could just roll down the window!

[Mauvaise]

------->ian<-------

eh? eh?