THE LOADED BIBLE - BOOK ONE

[Lucian]

INTRODUCTION - THE JESUS VS. VAMPIRES GOSPELS

In the near future, Nuclear War plunges America into perpetual night. But night is the domain of the bloodsucking vampire, and the surviving humans face an undead army. Now, a ravaged country overrun with vampires must turn to it s new savior, Jesus Christ!

An action packed sacriligious satire, LOADED BIBLE definitively answers the age old question :

What Would Jesus Do?

He d kick vampire ass.

[Lucian]

CHAMPTER ONE - PAGE ONE

In the beginning GOD created the Heavens and the Earth.
Now, the Earth...!

OH! Sorry sorry....wrong Bible. Just a sec.

In the beginning there was fear.
The United States of America found itself drawn into a war with fundamentalist zealots...extremists who saw this Great Country as a danger to all that they believed.

The Americans saw the hate in the eyes of these Zealots, and believed these people would do everything they could to destroy the way of life they held so dear.

The American people decided they would need leaders to do the right thing...to protect them.

And so, America chose it s president.

[Lucian]

CHAP ONE - PAGE TWO

Soon it began.
Armies of the United States attacked countries it felt might harbor more terrorists.

And though it was said these soldiers fought for freedom and democracy, the residents of the rest of the world suspected and feared another motivation...

In a nation where an exposed breast of network television invoked cries of immorality, where people believed a greater power had helped thier baseball team win the big game, and where abortion rights remained a heated legal battle, there could be no denying...

CHRIST WAS KING.

[Lucian]

PAGE THREE

The circle fed itself...
...America retreated deeper into christian dogma, elected leaders who reflected thier beliefs and values...
Putting it at greater odds with many in the muslim world.
Then, in the midst of a routine prostitution sting, the world discovered that vampires were not only the stuff of legends.
The news spread like an epidemic...vampires were real...creatures of darkness, drinkers of blood...
Spawns of Satan.
If facing an opposing religion had galvanized the armerican people s faith, the discovery of a vampire among them cemented it.
And all those who did not share thier faith, felt thier wrath.

[Lucian]

PAGE FOUR

The vampire nation, which had lived in secrecy for thousands of years was alarmed. They saw thier doom in the crosses and weaponry of the Americans.

And so they hired an assassin to destroy the United States newly formed congress of high clerics, in an attempt to diffuse thier efforts...

An attempt which failed.

The United States retaliated by striking all it s enemies...

Retaliation caused retaliation. And, for the second time, the earth was cleaned,

This time not in water as it had in Noah s day, but in fire.

[Lucian]

PAGE FIVE & SIX

The ruling factions of the United States had survived, and sought to rebuild in a new image.

But the vampires, unaffected by radiation survived as well, setting the stage for an eternal war, as the humans build a domed city they chistened new Vatican City...

And the hungry vampire hordes circled it like a bird of carrion.

new Vatican City grew in power over the next hundred years, and it s people revealed in thier faith.

For they had a savior.

A messiah.

Jesus Christ.

The second coming.

[Lucian]

PAGE SEVEN - EIGHT

vampire : meat meat...c'mere meat!
Kid : OH NO....please.
vampire : BLAAAH!
Kid : JESUS!
vampire : URK!
Jesus : You rank?Smile for the cambot.

People Back Home watching at the theater: PRAISE BE TO JESUS!PRAISE JESUS!PRAISE BE TO JESUS!PRAISE JESUS!

vampire : Yoooouu!They say you are the son of gooodd.What will your blood taaaste like? GHYAAAAAH!
Jesus : Holy Spirit.

A Guy back home watching at the theater :This is the best mass all week!